Some people enjoy going to couples counseling for tune-ups or just to be proactive and learn new relationship skills. However, most of us don’t “want” to go to counseling because it can mean we are failing at something or it just sounds so painful. Not all counselors are created the same. Finding a professional counselor that you connect with is important. Make sure you interview them over the phone and that they are relatable and willing to answer any questions before you see them. So how do we know when it is time to get some help?
Here are a few starter tips to help you decide when it could be a good time to call a professional counselor for help.
- Are you able to talk things out and find a solution? If you answered no, then maybe your communication skills need a little tune up. Not hearing each other is most likely the cause of not getting to a solution.
- Are you sleeping on the opposite edges of the mattress or different rooms? Many couples get into a routine or habit of sleeping separately but many studies have shown that not physically sleeping together at night is a red flag warning for your relationship. Obvious exceptions exist of course like illness or work travel etc.
- Are you talking at all? When a couple begins not speaking to each other after an argument that is ok, if it is short lived and agreed upon ahead of time. However, when an hour turns into three days then a week etc. this is a definitely a sign it is time to get some help from a professional.
- Are family members or friends having to read your body language, or play investigators because everyone knows something is wrong between the two of you, but you won’t admit it. If your friends or family can tell something is up, chances are something is up. Don’t make your friends/family go through their own CSI edition trying to figure out what is wrong and how to fix it.
- Are you are talking to your friends/family more about your relationship issues then you are to your partner. There is a fine line of getting support from those that are willing to listen to you and not going to your partner with those same issues. Not only will you wear your friendships down, but you will create distance, resentment with your partner and your friends will do the same.