Want More Sex From Your Partner? Start Listening.

Lets talk about Sex! What does your relationships’ sex life really say about you?

Some of you may have read about research done by Society for Personality and Social Psychology finding that romantic couples having sex once a week were just as happy as those couples having sex several times a week. However, even couples that have sex (regardless of the number of times) can be unhappy. Why? The goal of any couple is to maintain a connection. Sex can be a thermometer or gage of a couples’ connection but that many times is not enough. Couples can be “together” and not have a connection that involves an intimate level of communication. Learning how to effectively communicate on an intimate level involves sex, words, listening, nurturing and more. As a couples therapist in Redondo Beach, CA the number one issue that most couples have in common when they come seek my help has been, the inability to intimately communicate with each other. Here are a few tips on how you and your partner can begin practicing intimate communication:

  • This is the hardest skill anyone can learn regardless of what your age, profession or background is.   We all like to talk and be heard but few of us know how to really listen.
  • Before you want to ask, say or acuse, think about what you want that person to know. Is it really that they did not take the garbage out? Or is it that you did not feel heard?
  • When it is your turn to speak, think small doses of three or four sentences at a time. Check in with your partner to see if they have questions or look confused before you jump to the next topic.
  • Loving physical touch such as a hug or kiss after you are both finished speaking can reassure your partner that things are not perfect but “we’re ok”.

Following these basic beginners steps won’t make your relationship perfect or fix major problems over night, or even give you more sex (right away), but it will help you to start focusing on what you CAN do instead of what you CANNOT control. Practice and expect you will mess up, that’s ok! Just know you can always start over!  Most couples report high sexual satisfaction IN their relationship when there is a high level of communication and connection between them.  For more tips on how to improve your communication starting today read my blog on https://mindbal.com/5-ways-to-improve-your-communication-starting-today/.



Rose Lawrence, LPCC